| ezpz |
[02 Dec 2009|11:25am] |
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mood |
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 cheerful |
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music |
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Ambiance |
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I'm a fishing lure bobbing on the water's edge. I don't know which way to go and I"m just falling apart waiting on something to happen. Maybe we are all aliens and the buildings we have erected are just a statues to prove our own existence to ourselves or maybe something greater. To prove to everyone else that you are strong and that you can make your own decisions. Life isn't just going to come to you. It is something that you have to get out and discover for yourself. No matter how hard you try though you can never bring your old home with you to your new home. You need a new start and you need new beginnings.
I've always tried to get things done quicker if anyway possible. This seems like a good trait but it really isn't. I want direct service constantly. If I feel bad then I will try anything to make myself feel better. Any possible outlet I will take just for new experiences and new scenery. I have kind of cursed my own trail with the things I do. There are differences between being selfish and just being an asshole. I've come to terms with both of them. Hoping that people would just shut up and let things go but that doesn't happen. I don't know what I want. I'm sad. I'm really very sad. I have no clue what to do. I want to leave. I want to leave and not tell anyone where I'm going. I don't even want to know where I am going. I just want a destination! A point of interest! I want a book that tells me what to do and how to do it. I'm so scared to try things on my own. I'm terrified of any kind of social experience I ever. I want to move! I want to be thrown into a situation without water wings. I want things to be dangerous. I figure if I throw myself into these situations that maybe one of those times I'll have the courage to say, "hi" to someone there. The way it looks now it seems I will always be rotting here and just hoping for something better to come. I want to cut all ties with everyone and just move away.
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[25 Sep 2009|03:43pm] |
Dear, God.
I wish I were rich. Fuck the world.
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| filthy biped |
[21 Sep 2009|01:21pm] |
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I am filled with these sores that never stop bleeding. My arm is bruised. My skin is like sandpaper. I hate this I hate every minute of it. I wish I was skeed, but I know it won't help for very long. I am a ball of flesh that is about to swept underneath the rug. I melting away and I need a breath of fresh air. It is really hard when you don't have a hope.
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[18 Sep 2009|10:54am] |
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i'm going to get so fucked up i die.
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[06 Sep 2009|04:16am] |
When I see a little mouse peeping back at me, what do I say? I tell him to be careful because there is a cat around the corner. The mouse just cocks its head and looks at me. It has no idea what I'm saying. The cat is well aware of the mouse but is the mouse aware of the cat? I can't do anything to help the mouse. I hope that the mouse knows what is coming. I really hope that it does. I couldn't stand to see that mouse get killed by the cat, but I am much to far to be able to save the mouse from the ferocious cat. So I just yell to try and scare the mouse or the cat away to try and spare myself that heart ache that would come if I let that mouse be caught and eaten. My yelling just scares the mouse right in the direction of the cat, and all I can do is watch it happen.
I'm marked in more ways than one and I wonder what these marks mean. I'll never forget what happened. I feel so empty, I need something to fill this hole. I can't put myself back together because I have no instruction manual. I feel like somebody just set me up to fail at everything I do and I think that it was me. Nothing is going to make me feel better but I'm going to try anything for a remedy.
I never meant anything. Everyone who ever gets involved with me regrets every minute of it. I'd be better use to everyone in the ground. I'm just waiting for one thing that will finally end my sorrow.
I finally got that chemistry set I always wanted.
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| Fine. |
[27 Aug 2009|02:39am] |
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Whatever. Have fun. You know how I feel.
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| lo |
[25 Aug 2009|01:30pm] |
Everything has been going bad
I really hope it isn't a fad
Bringing more things to make me sad
For I am only a lad
I hope to soon be a grad
And get back everything I had
I hope I don't go mad
Trying to fix everything I've done that was bad
I don't want to end up sad
Wishing that I had
A girl so rad
As the girl that I once had
Is that really so bad?
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[25 Aug 2009|01:19pm] |
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I need a flashlight
Because I'm afraid of the black
Whatever is out of sight
Might just be a tack
If it gets stuck
I will need your hand
For I don't have luck
And can barely stand
Rhyming is FUN
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| the days end |
[16 Sep 2007|11:31pm] |
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i am not content with anything. i spend my time carrying out pointless tasks to try and make a dollar. currency seems to be the only thing driving this world and keeping it going, but what is the true purpose for having to always possess currency? i wish life was just a fun-filled and happy celebration but i haven't had the pleasure of having a day like that in a good while. i am losing my friends that i gains in high school and i don't seem to be able to get any other friends. i have become almost completely anti-social with everybody except for my family leaving me with little to talk about and little to have to look forward too. i want to leave and never come back and i want life that i can look back on and say that it was a lot of fun. i want it all but will probably die a lonely drunk.
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| let me tell you a story |
[28 Jul 2007|11:21pm] |
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mood |
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 depressed |
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music |
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american football |
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the trees are dying. dying to get out. dying to try something new. a change of scenery. a change of pace. a change of direction. they are standing still. waiting for the changes to come. waiting for the changes to happen. wanting them to happen so bad. wanting someone to come and take them away from everything. wanting someone to notice that they are there. someone who will say hi. someone who will listen. someone to listen to. the trees want a change and i want a change. maybe we can get something done.
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| screams |
[23 May 2007|12:15am] |
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mood |
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i don't know |
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music |
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animal collective |
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the dusty path burns like the purple from the sun upon my retinas
the path disapears as i walk farther past the end
our lives stray and our lives curve as the water drips from the faucet
the constant stuttering of emotion overcomes judgement and concurs all
we try and reclaim the once known light and the once known darkness which we call nature
our skin quivers and our heart beats past all other, even faster than the hare or the tortise
our feet try to catch up but the obsticals destroy the hope
the fire burns and the fire settles, we try to keep the flame strong but it only exhausts itself
the dimness of humanity and the light of hope clash more than you will ever know
save me!
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| are you there? |
[19 May 2007|03:57pm] |
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mood |
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pessimistic |
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music |
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none |
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am i something?
am i nothing?
am i graceful?
am i clumsy?
am i empty?
am i whole?
am i me?
am i you?
am i selfish?
am i selfless?
am i important?
am i not?
am i right?
am i wrong?
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| insubortanance |
[03 May 2007|10:18pm] |
trees are burning
signs are changing
eyes shift
minds swift
doors open and close
still the river flows
chances missed
still trying to build
holes are drilled
never to be filled
plans are made
but quickly fade
where will i find myself?
where will i take myself?
my life is wasted
i wish i'd tasted
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| new |
[25 Apr 2007|10:25pm] |
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mood |
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born |
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music |
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minus the bear |
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we are all saplings
we start out small
we grow up big
we change and change
change is inevitable
don't run and hide
don't fret its arrival
changes bring happiness
also the occasional sadness
sadness may scar and maim
but always brings happiness
something worth suffering for
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| safe |
[05 Apr 2007|05:08pm] |
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mood |
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 blank |
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music |
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RZA |
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when time stops and the world explodes, will you be ready? things happen without warning, are you prepared? living life as it is right now is a hard thing to do. coming up with exactly what to do on the spot is something that hard to do. only natural born leaders will be able to do such things. "only the fittest survive" is something we haven't had to deal with in this day and age. people don't beleive anybody should ever die and that no matter how deformed you are you should still get a chance at life. even if your deformity makes you unable to be able to comprehend anything in life they still beleive you should live. even if you're in pain every moment you are concious you should still be alive. but who is to say that we are normal. we could be the defromed ones and not even know it. we take life for granted, i take life for granted. if i died tomorrow would anybody notice?
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| dusk |
[23 Mar 2007|01:44am] |
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mood |
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awake |
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music |
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sounds of the night |
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you can hear everything and nothing is moving and you see the trees growing and flourishing in the spring air. buds sprout and they make noises noises close to everything. the world sleeps and the air wants its friends to be happy and to sleep. the wind does not gust but continues to keep the world asleep and lets the world dream and dream it does. no animal is awake i dare not disturb them and i dare not wake them. the beauty of nothing is a strange thing. you wish for everything to be there and it is but not in body but in spirit. its spirit is around you and its spirit is exploring the depths of its own soul and its own mind. the grass does not move the water flows only slightly and it makes a noise to keep its neighbors asleep a noise only heard in the background of your inner thoughts. a noise to soothe a noise to comfort to make you feel safe. I dare not disturb them and i dare not wake them. they will wake and they will stop dreaming but i am not going to be the one to stop them from dreaming and dreaming and dreaming...
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